The picture is of a flower that suddenly bloomed amidst the grass… okay… mainly weeds in my front lawn. It was such a beautiful anomaly that it made me do some self reflection. (I promise the next blog will not be so me-focused!) I have been astounded by my growth this year. It’s nothing impressive to most people’s eyes because it’s the normal progress that everyone goes through if they persevere in whatever endeavor that captures their interest. (Obviously, you can do something for years and not grow if it doesn’t fascinate you but that’s not the point.) The reason why it’s so astounding is because my growth, up until this year, has been super slow. Mainly due to my health issues. Those of you who know me know that I have Systemic Lupus and that it changed the entire direction of my life. Those of you who don’t know me, I’ll give you the run down. Basically, I had to rebuild myself (and my life, those two are separate in my mind) from scratch.
It took over 3 years to be diagnosed with Lupus, during which I was mostly a bed bound lump who couldn’t even walk to my living room most days, much less carry out the basic necessities a person living on their own must do. Brushing my teeth was considered a win for the day. Doing dishes, taking out trash, or checking the mail weren’t on my To Do List. I hadn’t checked my mail for so long, they stopped delivering it and put in that new registration form they put in empty houses. (I had to jump through hoops to get my homestead re-instated and prove I didn’t move six months prior). When I was first put on medication it was like a dam was released. My mind and body were full of thoughts (up until that point thoughts came as often as tumbleweeds) and energy that I hadn’t felt since I was in college. I immediately went back to college and had the best summer of my life at Harvard but by the Fall, I got sick and stopped responding to the medication and was down for six months. I didn’t have the energy or will to drop out of my classes at Harvard (I was taking requirement classes to apply to one of their computer programs) or UNF (I was trying to finish my Master’s in Psychology) so I flunked out of the classes (months later when I had the energy and coherence, all of my efforts couldn’t undo the indelible failures on my school records). It took another 2 years to get on the right combination of medication, another year for it to reach is maximum effectiveness. The treatments combined with sleep therapy, memory therapy, physical therapy, and my own reading aloud therapy helped me find and explore voice over as a career. There were still many months of each year that were lost to the illness. I was useless during those times and then for weeks after as I slowly rebuilt my life and daily schedule. It took a lot of time to find effective coping mechanisms for the down time, isolating and avoiding triggers that cause my flares. During that time, my health was my full time job but through that full time job, I started making progress in voice over. But I was stuck in a hump that I couldn’t get over until now. The quarantine has helped keep me healthy enough to where I could think about taking coaching and courses without the fear of being interrupted with the months of downtime I used to experience due to one infection or another. In 2019, I narrated my first Audible book. Last year, I narrated another book. This year, I have already recorded two and am in the talks about my fifth book. Yes, it’s not the book a week, or even book a month that a lot of other professionals are aiming for but I’m not on their journey, I’m on mine, which is more of a scenic route to my destination but I’m more than at peace with it. And with time, I hope to one day achieve a book a month… and after I have the expertise, perhaps even a book a week.
But right now, to once again experience the pace of growth I thought was forever beyond my reach has made me happier than words can say. I’m taking acting classes, voice classes, going to conferences and coaching with some of the best names in the business and I am keeping up with it all. Which is another win in my book!
I wanted to be a Psychiatrist when I was in college, then as I accrued more knowledge in the field, it changed to Health Psychologist. Life (and energy) choices led me through Freelance Writer and Technical Writer before being completely derailed by illness. This career path, is like me, adaptable so it will grow and bend depending on my health and interests. And if one day, my voice goes, then I will take my experience and see if I can use it to help others develop. My name, Suzannah, means ‘lily’ in Hebrew. Though I swear that I’m a Lily/weed hybrid, because no matter what happens in my life, I will always find a way to bloom.
Instead of focusing on all the things you couldn’t or didn’t do, I hope that you realize how strong you are and how many obstacles you overcame to get where you are today. And I hope that motivates you to keep moving forward, even if your forward needs to be in another direction.