Until recently, I thought I was working hard towards my career. But after getting some one-on-one time with a publisher, I realized that wasn’t the case at all. I’ve still been keeping myself circling the “I’ve gotta learn more” drain instead of putting myself inside the ring. In the 3 years since I stepped out I’ve gone after only a handful of works. I haven’t really actively auditioned since 2019 or 2020. How foolish! How mortifying! Although the demos I put out landed me jobs, I’ve been really passive.
I also haven’t done nearly enough to boost my acting experience, which is fundamental for a professional in my industry. I am light years away from where I started and am proud of how far I’ve come but I still I can’t help but… ooh, I just realized that I’m doubting all the effort I’ve put up to this point because there were no huge landmarks of success. But just typing it out made me realize that I HAVE been working. Although I still have my moments of falling into patterned reading, I can catch myself now. I can hear it, whereas before I couldn’t hear the problem. In fact, I thought I was doing a great job.
I actually get lost in the scenes now, whereas before I couldn’t get into a scene for more than a few seconds before my brain started monitoring how I was saying things instead of what I was conveying. I now have most of the tools needed to be a professional narrator, except the experience to make the appropriate choices the first time around for each scene. I’m on a good path I just don’t have the accomplishments I thought I would have by now, which has left me feeling like I’ve done nothing. But just because my learning curve has been slower than anticipated doesn’t mean it’s not working. I’ve learned a new DAW, re-designed my website, practiced my skills and expanded my tools through coaching with some of the best in the business. I took three 6+ week courses last year alone, not to mention the one-on-one coaching and two conferences I attended. Facts show that I am not the procrastinator my mind makes me out to be.
Up until last year, I recorded at a crawl because I was so over critical of every single sound and mouth noise. It once took me 4 hours to record 15 minutes worth of audio because I was so determined for my mouth to make no noise whatsoever (which failed completely by the way – and most of my retakes sounded exactly the same as the first making for lots of facepalming editing sessions). It took listening to my favorite narrators and just listening with a technical ear to realize how foolish my endeavor was and how I could’ve done a much better job by focusing on the content of the book instead of how I sounded.
Due to health reasons, it’s hard for me to put in a full day’s work but the time I invest now is a lot more wisely spent than aiming for perfection. I’ve worked my way through the Artist’s Way and have (mostly) learned to accept my flaws and to NOT COMPARE MYSELF WITH OTHERS… Except that’s exactly what I did with all of my worrying. Thinking how far I should be instead of how far I’ve come. I wanted to delete this blog once I saw I was complaining but I think I need to keep it, not only for myself but for others who doubt themselves.
The best lesson I learned this past year is to let myself have fun. In most jobs I’ve had, perfection was the aim of the game but in voiceover, the sound of perfection is achieved not as the end goal but as the byproduct of getting lost in the story you are telling! The more of your true self (flaws and all) you are, the better you sound. How awesome is that!
So, yes, you can doubt, but face your doubts with facts. Don’t let them silently whisper in the back of your mind until you’re too intimidated to act. Face your doubts and see how solid they are or if they are merely the cumulative whispers of the villains who got into your ear over the years. See what else you can do to extinguish or at least muffle those voices until your voice remains dominant and confident.
Knowing that I have accountability buddies that I work with and I create daily, weekly, and monthly goals, I have a paper trail of proof that I’m not being as passive as I think I am. But we all need proof for those moments when doubts claim us. And doubts always try. They test the waters and flood your mind at the most inopportune times.
So the next time doubts try to drown you stand up to them with your own facts! You might just find you were in shallow water the whole time. Now excuse me while I start looking for auditions because that doubt was real.