This month, I’m making every day Valentine’s Day… ooh, after writing that last part, I had a sudden urge to listen to My Funny Valentine. Last year I took a page from someone else’s book and adopted it for my own. The results were miniscule but with other positive activities, compounding. I also got to look at a lively door all year round that brought a smile to my heart. Someone posted in a group I’m in that they post a heart shaped message on their loved one’s door until Valentine’s Day. (Well, multiple people chimed in that they did a version of this, some for spouses, others for their children.) Since I’m single, and have meant to stop being so self-deprecating, I decided to adapt it for myself. I bought some construction paper, cut out some hearts and every day for the first 14 days of February, I wrote myself a message. I used the form “you” because it was easier, after all I usually don’t compliment myself. The last 14 days of the month were using the “I” form, to own my words.
It sounds silly for a grown adult to make construction paper hearts for themselves – because it is – but that’s the whole point. To get in touch with the childish side of ourselves. It’s easy to see the bright side of others because that’s what we show to the world, but sometimes, it’s hard to see the light within ourselves because we know all the things that we aren’t proud of. And if you’re used to pointing out your negatives, that’s all you see, because you’ve made them so big in your mind. I used to smile but not believe compliments.
So, letting yourself get in touch with that shy yet somehow brash child within that could say what they mean is a way to see the good you’ve turned a blind eye to. When we let that child within us speak, not monitoring their words with the filter of what we’ve let affect us through our life, it’s easier to believe them… and in turn, believe in yourself.
I feel much better about myself and don’t weigh myself down with castigation because I didn’t do as well or as much as I’d thought I could. Instead, I use some of the energy I used to spend doing that, finding ways to build myself up. Recently I’ve begun to believe that everyone of us is nothing special, neither good nor bad. True we all might find one aspect of our lives being in the outlier but since we all have our outliers, that too is nothing special. And because there’s nothing special about us it means that everyone out there who is great demonstrates the possibility within all of us. We might not have discovered the area in which we bloom best but it’s there and as long as we are alive we can strive to find the way we want to shine.
This journey that I’m taking now, is one that hundreds of people have walked before so I know if I keep trying, I will continue to make progress. And once I reach my destination, I’ll move my marker further ahead. I hope you continue to head in the direction of your greatness. We all have more than one, so if one door closes, try the next door.
I so feel embarrassed about posting this but this is my truth so I hope that one day it’ll reach the eyes of someone who needs to read it.